Welcome back everyone to the 5th track of Mono: Uhgood (어긋).

As someone who feels trapped in destructive thoughts and constantly dreams about her ideal self, this song is like a dagger to my heart. The disappointment that he felt towards himself and constant self blaming is so relatable and my heart breaks knowing the torment he had put himself through.

The “Real Me” and the “Real You” are never perfect though… as you will soon see, we are all Bs.

Ok, let’s jump right in.

This post unfortunately requires a trigger warning: Mentions of death and depression.

New readers, you’re about to jump into the middle of Namjoon’s life and if you haven’t read my previous blog posts where I’ve tied together Namjoon’s story from 2013 up to 2018 through his lyrics (mostly from the Love Yourself albums), you may lack context. In my blog we build on existing knowledge and I’ve designed it to be read in chronological order.

I was able to create the chronology based on two principles:

1. BTS has said over and over again that all of their songs are written based on their past experiences. This means that when a song was written in 2018, it can only be about something that happened prior to 2018.
2. While a writer can write a song for someone else to sing, ultimately they are still writing their own story. It is not possible to write an accurate story about someone else’s intimate life and love for their partner in the first person without their input (e.g. Serendipity).

1. uhgood (어긋)

Uhgood (어긋) appears to mark the turning point of Namjoon’s life where he decides to live as the “Real Me” (RM) and where we can see him slowly feeling and getting better (i.e. “Fine” or “Good”).

어긋 in Korean means “going against something” or “crisscross” and has negative connotations attached to it. For example:

• 어긋나다 means to be dislocated, out of joint, run counter to, go against, be alienated and estrange;
• 어긋버긋 means to be uneven and out of joint with each other; and
• 어긋맞다 means to face each other crosswise, meet crisscross, be at odd angles from each other.

Namjoon said in his vlive:

I think it’s good. I love the title, “어긋 (uhgood),” I just love it. It has a meaning of “going against something.” The title suits the song and holds a lot of emotions

Namjoon

As you will soon see, uhgood (어긋) is about being at odds with one’s self. Namjoon in the lyrics describes himself trying to cross a metaphorical bridge between his ideal self (which is far from his real self) and his real self.

어긋 sounds like “uhgood” in English.

“Uh…good” gives off a hesitant and cautiously optimistic tone and implies agreement (i.e. the opposite of going against something), and, the word “good” has positive connotations attached to it.

Therefore, uhgood (어긋) is a crisscross and counter to itself.

“Uhgood” goes against 어긋 as “uhgood” expresses positivity and agreement while 어긋 expresses negativity and disagreement.

We can observe that this song shares a similar concept to Namjoon in I’m Fine – that contrary to the upbeat tune and positivity in the title, Namjoon in I’m Fine is actually not fine… yet. He is getting there.

Similarly, Namjoon here is “uh… good”
He is good. Sort of. Not quite. But he is getting there.

2. I am my own salvation

All I need is me
All I need is me
I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know

All you need is you (you)
All you need is you
You know, you know, you know
You know, you know, you know

Similarly to I’m Fine (password: penicillin1), Namjoon has almost moved past the “Tears” and realised that only he can be his own salvation.

• uhgood (어긋): “All I need is me, I know”
• I’m Fine: “It’s okay – only I am my own salvation.“

And that goes the same to “You” and to all of us.

So my dear Moonchild, don’t cry. You have everything you need to be your own salvation.

3. The bridge between Ideal “You” and Real “Me”

In the following lyrics, who “You” is is ambiguous.

It is ambiguous because 내 (nae) meaning “Me” and 네 (ne) meaning “You” are pronounced practically the same. Therefore, one sentence can deliver two different messages at the same time.

“You” can be:

• Namjoon himself (i.e. Namjoon is talking to himself in third person as if one is facing a mirror and looking at one’s “real self”); or
• “Her”; or
• whoever you want “You” to be 🙂

To assist you in discovering how the meaning can change, I’ve highlighted the parts where 내 and 네 can be interchangeable and have provided you with different translations.

Since Korean sentences do not always need a subject, choosing “You” or “Me” or both at the same time can impact the meaning and interpretations of the sentences after that.

For example: 나를 짓밟네 can either mean:

• You trample on me; or
• I trample on me; or
• We trample on me (though this sounds strange in the context of the lyrics); or
• They trample on me.

Where this is the case, I’ve put the pronouns brackets. So chop, change and combine things. Explore.

가끔은 내게/네게 실망해
Sometimes, (I) am disappointed in myself
Sometimes, (you’re) disappointed in me
Sometimes, (they’re) disappointed in me
Sometimes, (I) am disappointed in you

스스로 나를 짓밟네
On (your) own accord (you) trample on me
On (my) own accord (I) trample on myself
On (their) own accord (they) trample on me

너 이것밖에 안 돼?
“Is this the best you can offer?”

훨씬 더 잘해야 해
“You have to be so much better”

너 훨씬 더 멋져야 해
“You have to be so much cooler”

지느니 죽어야 해
“If you are going to lose, you should just die”

이겨야 해 넌 넌 넌
You have to win, you, you, you

넌
You

어긋나는 건 너무 아픈 것
Being out of place is such a painful thing

겪지 않으면 알 수가 없는거야
It’s something (you) won’t understand unless (you) experience it 
It’s something no one understands unless (they) experience it
It’s something (I) wouldn’t understand unless (I) experience it

네/내 이상과 현실
Your ideal and reality
My ideal and reality

너무 멀고 먼
They are too far apart

그래도 다리 건너
But, (I) still want to cross the bridge
But, (You) still want to cross the bridge
But, (we) still want to cross the bridge

네게/내게 닿고 싶어
and reach you
and reach me

진짜 네게/내게 (yeah, yeah)
the real you (yeah, yeah)
the real me (yeah, yeah)

진짜 내게/네게 (yeah, yeah)
the real me (yeah, yeah)
the real you (yeah, yeah)

I have provided three interpretations below. I find that my interpretations and nuance change to whatever my soul needs on the day. That is the beauty of Namjoon’s work.

Interpretation 1:

Sometimes I disappoint you
And so I trample on myself out of shame and sneer bitterly “is this all you can offer?”
Being out of place is such a painful thing
It’s something no one will understand unless you experience it
Your ideal and reality and mine
They are too far apart
But you still want to cross the bridge
You want to reach the real me…

…and I desperately want to reach the real you.

Interpretation 2:

Sometimes I disappoint myself
I trample on myself and tell myself “You have to be so much better and cooler. You have to win. You must.”
Being out of place is such a painful thing
It’s something you won’t understand if you haven’t experienced it
My ideal and reality are just too far apart
But I still want to cross the bridge and reach the real you…
…to accept the real me.

Interpretation 3:

Sometimes they are disappointed in me
They trample on me and sneer “Is this the best you can do?”
I tell myself “You have to be so much better and cooler. You have to win. You must.”
Being out of place is such a painful thing
It’s something no one will understand unless they have experienced it
Your ideal and my reality are just too far apart
But I still want to try and cross the bridge and reach the real me…
…to become the real me.

4. B/비

In the following verse, the sound “B” is ambiguous: It could be:

• the English alphabet “B”. A reference to the grading system where B is an average grade; or
• the Korean word for rain “비”, which can represent sadness, difficulties and life challenges.

살다보면 B/비를 받을 수도 있어
In life, (you) may receive Bs
In life, (you) might get rained on
In life, (I) may receive Bs
In life, (I) might get rained on

그래 야 너도 B/비를 받을 수가 있어
Yeah, hey you, you can receive Bs too
Yeah, hey, you can get rained on too

몇날 며칠이 B/비만 내릴 수도 있어
It could keep raining for days
It could be average for days

저 사막에도 비가 내릴 수가 있어
Even in that desert, it might rain

근데 미안 난 나를 포기할 수가 없어
But, I’m sorry, I can’t give up on myself

내가 아는 나를 난 놓아줄 수가 없어
I can’t let go of me who I know as myself

내 머릿속의 넌 이렇게 온전한데
because in my head “You” are so whole like this

완전한데
“You” are so perfect

Depending on who you think “You” is, you will arrive at different conclusions about what Namjoon has decided to do.

For example, if you think “You” is his ideal self, it would seem like Namjoon has done a 180. Earlier, we see him ready to accept and brace his imperfections, but in the last few lines he reveals that he is not ready to let go of his ideal self, “But, I’m sorry, I can’t give up on myself… because in my head “You” are so whole like his, “You” are so perfect.”

However, if you think “You” is “Her”, Namjoon is doing his best not to “give up on myself” despite the challenges in life because “She” is so perfect and whole and he wants to be his real self for “Her”. This is consistent with the Love Yourself albums where we observed that “She” broke up with Namjoon because of the fakeness in their relationship.

I also want to point out how Namjoon has given “rain” a conflicting duality. On one hand, rain symbolises something unwanted, an annoyance, an uncontrollable inconvenience that creates challenges, “you can get rained on… it could keep raining for days.” On the other hand, rain symbolises salvation and another chance at life. It is a life-saving resource that can rescue you when you’re at your lowest, “even in that desert, it might rain.”

This conflicting philosophy of whether something is good or if something is bad (hint: it is always both) is something we see consistently in Namjoon’s lyrics.

Rain is bad some days and good some days.
On average, it is arguably a B.

So don’t give up on yourself.
Rain might 비 just what you need to survive.

~ ♡ 지

Lyric sources:

Doolset
BTS Trans Tumblr
Muish