Welcome back everyone,

How do you write an analysis of the most important song in the Love Yourself series when you haven’t addressed Yoongi’s and Hobi’s perspectives?

As I quickly found out: You can’t. Or well.. at least I can’t. I found it incredibly difficult to convey and explain the rich meaning of Epiphany based on the knowledge that we have only been exposed to Joon’s perspective. It felt like I was trying to discuss The Return of the King when all we have read about is Samwise Gamgee and Frodo Baggins’ story, with a tiny cameo from Aragon and Legolas.

Hence, we are going to spend some time understanding Yoongi now 🙂 . To my Namjoon and Namjin biased readers, I do hope you will come with me on this journey. I know I may sound like an old tape recorder but… Yoongi’s and Hobi’s perspectives are so important to enjoying the full story of BTS.

As I started writing (Outro) Her: By Yoongi (Yoongi’s next song after DNA), I also realised very quickly that Yoongi’s story is extremely underdeveloped in my blog. Unfortunately, I only had the opportunity to write about his perspective in DNA… and it was much too short.

Thus, I want to dive into Yoongi’s lyrics from his Agust D album (released on 15 August 2016) to help us understand his background and enable us to better appreciate his character development and journey told through the Love Yourself albums.

Yoongi’s writing style couldn’t be more different to Joon’s. While Joon writes poetically with layers and layers of hidden meaning and secrets, Yoongi is a rare and rough fire spitting diamond; his lyrics are straightforward and brutally honest.

As I feel that 마지막 (The Last) contains a lot of things I want to say about Yoongi, this is the song we are going to be analysing today.

Ok everyone. Let’s learn about our beloved dear (sweeter than sugar) Min Yoongi and where he was at with life before 15 August 2016.

This post unfortunately requires a trigger warning: It contains dark heavy themes of depression and suicide, and explicit language.

Assumed Knowledge & Assumptions

I have written this post assuming you know:

• my theory , that all of the songs in LY albums are connected and reveal a story line when read in a specific order;
• there are three different “Hers”; and
• Yoongi’s story told so far through DNA.

As always, I have analysed 마지막 (The Last) based on these assumptions.

New Readers: If you have not read any of the above post, that is fine for this post as I won’t be referring to them much!

If you want to start from the beginning and get the full story, please start here!

Alright, let’s get it! 가자! Vamos!

1. Meet Agust D

The cocktail of mental illnesses

As we saw in DNA, the lyrics revealed Yoongi’s loving, gentle and self-sacrificing nature. This is in contrast to the lyrics in his Agust D album which are anything but.

I refer to the following lyrics from 마지막 (The Last):

On the other side of the famous idol rapper
Stands my weak self, it’s a bit dangerous
Depression, OCD
They keep coming back again from time to time
Hell no perhaps that might be my true self
Damn huh feeling estranged in reality
The conflict with ideal, my head hurts
Around the age of 18, I developed social anxiety
Right, that was when my mind was gradually polluted

Yoongi suffers from a cocktail of mental illnesses and has been suffering for years since the age of 18.

The Battle to be “Ideal”

The lyrics “the conflict with ideal, my head hurts” reveal that Yoongi battles to try and remain or become someone “ideal” .

However, he finds it difficult to achieve this “ideal” image (“my head hurts“), and the recurring failures lead Yoongi to develop a “polluted” mind. This in turn leaves Yoongi feeling lonely, alienated from society and “estranged in reality” .

Unwittingly, this verse also provides us an insight into South Korean society (i.e. Yoongi’s reality).

We can infer from the lyrics that in South Korea, there exists an “ideal” image. This “ideal” image rejects mental illness.

2. Meet 17 Year Old Min Yoongi

Around the age of 18, I developed social anxiety
Right, that was when my mind was gradually polluted

We can derive the following information from the above verse:

• With consideration to Korean Age, Yoongi started developing social anxiety around 2011 – 2013. This coincides with the time Yoongi auditioned for “HIT IT”, was found by Big Hit Entertainment and “tricked” into joining BTS;
• “Pre-polluted” Yoongi was “clean”, meaning that these new depressive thoughts and anxiety were completely new to 18 year old Min Yoongi; and
• The words “gradually polluted” tell us that the development of Yoongi’s mental illnesses was not an instantaneous process. It was slow, gradual, and became worse and worse.

Min Yoongi was not a depressed child or young teenager. He only started developing mental illnesses after joining BTS and entering the music and entertainment industry.

Powerless and Scared

…Stands my weak self, it’s a bit dangerous…
At times I’m scared of myself too
Thanks to the depression that takes over me
And all my self hatred

The words “take over” carry a powerfully invasive and hostile meaning, showing us that Yoongi is the victim and prisoner of his own thoughts. Like a prisoner of war, Yoongi is scared, desperate and completely helpless.

The verse also indicate to us that Yoongi resents and blames himself (“all my self hatred“) because he believes he is “weak” for not being able to exert any control over his invasive, dangerous and depressive thoughts.

Yoongi says that he is “scared of myself too” , revealing to us that the people who are aware of Yoongi’s mental illnesses were/are also scared of Yoongi.

What is more heartbreaking about this line is that this means Yoongi knows that people are scared of him.

We can infer that Yoongi knows this because people have said things to him, or have started acting differently around him as if he is something “scary”.

This is consistent with his lyrics from 140503:

Drifting away
Friends, family or anyone around me
They can’t remain beside me so they brush past me

Whether the fear is from the lack of understanding and knowledge on how to deal with Yoongi’s depressive self, or because Yoongi’s “dangerous” actions are intimidating to his friends and family, this remains unclear.

However, what is clear and painful is the absolute and all encompassing meaning of “Friends, family or anyone…”.

It seems that no one, including the people “around” and closest to Yoongi, knew how to “remain beside” him and interact with him.
Without further clarification from the lyrics, this appears to include the BTS Members*.

*While this sounds awful, please do remember that these lyrics were written at a point in time. I believe things are very different now.

2. The End of 17 Year old Min Yoongi

Min Yoongi is dead already (I killed him)
Comparing my dead passion with others
It’s now a part of my daily life

Yoongi tells us that the cause of his depressive thoughts comes from his inability to stop “comparing my dead passion with others” on a daily basis, as “part of my daily life.”

Yoongi’s “dead passion” I believe, refers to Pre-18 year old Yoongi’s passion and love for rapping and producing music.

The repetition of “dead” imagery, “dead passion“, “Min Yoongi is dead already (I killed him)” reinforces Yoongi’s unwavering certainty that the boy from Daegu Town (DT) known as Suga, that had no depression, OCD and social anxiety is completely gone and “dead” .

In other words, we have seen The Last of DT Suga.

Yoongi believes that his mental illnesses are so severe, they have permanently and fundamentally changed him.

I refer to the lyrics:

On the first visit to psychiatric ward

We can infer from this that Yoongi’s mental illnesses were so severe that he had to make multiple trips to the psychiatric ward.

And I refer to the following lyrics:

The doctor asks me if I’ve (censored)
I answered without any hesitation that I have

The lyric is censored because it is taboo. What is also important to note is that Yoongi did not hesitate to answer the question. This indicates to us that Yoongi thought about this frequently and has tried it at least once.

The censored lyrics could very well be about taking drugs for example. However, given the repetition of death and associated imagery in this song, “dead already (I killed him)” , “dead passion” , “erase” , and “I will get on the guillotine” , the lyrics reflect that “Death” weighs heavily in Yoongi’s mind, strongly suggesting to us that…

Yoongi has thought about trying (or has actually tried) to kill himself at least once.

3. The Creation of the Mask of Agust D

Habitual saying uh
I don’t give a shit I don’t give a fuck
All those words uh
Those words are said to hide my weak self

The above verse reveals to us that Yoongi created a new image (i.e. a mask) to “hide my weak self” . This “mask” I believe, is his Agust D alias which is DT Suga spelt backwards. The mask of “the famous idol rapper” .

As per the lyrics, Yoongi reveals to us that behind the cold and indifferent mask, he is actually someone who is “weak”* (i.e. sensitive).

*I just need to clarify this point. The lyrics suggests that Yoongi thinks being sensitive or caring too much is weak. I, personally and respectfully disagree with Yoongi. Being sensitive is not a sign of weakness.

Agust D is metaphorically the “black mirror” version DT Suga.

This Agust D mask aims to appear tough and indifferent when in fact the Yoongi behind the Agust D mask is anything but.

4. Removing the Mask of Agust D

I refer to the following lyrics:

Those days I wish I could erase
Right, that performance day
Which I don’t remember very well
The day I confronted myself
When I hid inside the bathroom
Because I was scared of people

For my readers who don’t know the “performance day” Yoongi is referring to, on 27 December 2015 BTS was in Japan Kobe to perform a two day concert. Yoongi had a panic attack in the bathroom and BTS had to cancel the show. You can read the full story here.

If my maths is correct, Yoongi was 22 (global age) or 24 (Korean age) when this occurred. This means that for about two to four years since turning 18, Yoongi lived behind a mask of cold indifference.

This day however, marks a significant moment in Yoongi’s life. On the 27th of December 2015, Yoongi made the courageous decision to finally remove the mask and take a good honest look at himself.

This is the first time in two to four years that Yoongi, and the BTS Members saw Yoongi’s real self.

5. The Greedy Monster Within

I refer to the following lyrics:

That time I, that time I
I thought success would make everything fine
But you see, but you see
As time goes by, I feel like I’m turning into a monster

I’ve exchanged my youth for success
And that monster demands for more wealth
At times it puts a collar on my neck
To ruin and swallow me with greed

The lyrics tell us that in Yoongi… lies a hidden greedy monster. This monster wants money so much it influenced young Min Yoongi to dedicate his entire youth to his music career in hopes that it will make him wealthy.

As a result, Yoongi never got to experience many other things that other young people get to experience, such as attending University and skipping classes, or going out on dates and watching movies, or attending crazy music festivals in the middle of no where.

Yoongi “thought success would make everything fine” and his monster will leave once he is successful. To his surprise… the monster wants more.

Yoongi is helplessly enslaved to his own monstrous greed.

6. The specific cause of Yoongi’s mental illnesses

We can infer what specifically caused Yoongi to develop his cocktail of mental illnesses through the following lyrics:

I’ve denied my nature many times
My address is idol and I won’t deny
The anguish that dug into my mind countless times…

…Selling ourselves or not
You all say we couldn’t do it but we didn’t shit…

…The debut which I clung as if it was my life
Who do you think you’re fooling
By pretending you’ve gone through all the miseries…

…Sorrow created me uh look at me closely uh
Selling ourselves or not you all say
It’s not that we couldn’t do it
But that we didn’t want to, shit

As per the above lyrics, Yoongi struggled with his decision to become an idol and thus (initially) “denied my nature [as an idol] many times” .

This denial caused him a lot of “anguish” ; and these feelings of “anguish” were so pervasive and intrusive, it “dug into” his soft, sensitive and caring mind “countless times” .

The words “Dug into” carries negative connotations about destroying something, and give off the same powerful and hostile meaning as “take over” discussed earlier.

The repetition of:

• the lyrics “selling ourselves” ;
• variations of the verse “you all say we couldn’t do it but we didn’t, shit” , and
• the act of Yoongi having to deny his nature “many times”;

convey to us that the unkind criticisms and demeaning remarks Yoongi received from everyone (“you all say…“) about BTS being Idols were relentless and countless.

In other words, the comments thrown at Yoongi accusing him of being an idol, that he was selling himself, and that BTS and him were never going to be succeed…

…attacked, invaded and destroyed Yoongi in his mind over, and over, and over, and over, and over…

To deal with the onslaught and his growing inner demons, Yoongi created the cool and indifferent mask of Agust D as a defence mechanism… Hence the line: “Sorrow created me” .

We can also infer from the above verse that “Idols” in South Korea have a bad reputation. Thus, to keep his pride, Yoongi initially denied his Idol nature because he did not want to be associated with it.

7. Acceptance

I refer to the following lyrics:

Shit shit I got it so stop it
I’m the root of all this so I’ll stop myself
If my misfortune is your happiness
I’ll happily stay unfortunate
If I’m the figure of hate
I’ll get on the guillotine

The things I’ve only imagined turns into reality
My childhood dreams are in front of my eyes
The night when I performed in front of an audience of 2
Now Tokyo Dome is right in front my nose
My one and only life
I can easily live it passionately than any other
My fan my hommie my fam
I hope you don’t worry
Because I’m really okay now damn

My pride which I thought I had given away
Has turned into self-respect
My fans, keep your head high with pride
Because who can do it like me uh

Seiko, Rolex, AX hall and gymnastic stadium
The heads of thousands nodding to my hand gesture
Show me the money
It’s not that I couldn’t but I didn’t shit

In the above lyrics, Yoongi says that if he is able to bring happiness to people by being his true misfortunate and sorrowful self… then he will “happily stay unfortunate” .

We can infer from this that sometime after the 27th of December 2015, Yoongi was able to learn to accept his true self as a sensitive person with social anxiety, OCD, depressive and suicidal thoughts. A person who is far far far from the South Korean image of “ideal” .

In addition, the moment Yoongi gave away his pride (that he is not an Idol) to admit that he is an idol, he was able to gain back his self-respect, and like his fans, keep his “head high with pride” .

In addition, the lyrics “Seiko, Roex, AX hall and gymnastic stadium” and “show me the money” reveal to us that Yoongi’s greedy monster is extremely present. This is significant as it indicates that Yoongi has also accepted that greedy part of himself.

His true acceptance of his “less than “ideal”” image, Idol title, and greedy side, enables Yoongi to move forward and become a stronger person, to the point that he is brave and fearless enough to “get on the guillotine” and withstand the hate that is thrown at him:

If my misfortune is your happiness
I’ll happily stay unfortunate

If I’m the figure of hate
I’ll get on the guillotine

I can literally hear Yoongi whispering into my ear: Bring the pain. B*tch.

Authors Thoughts:

There are three things I want to point out before my next post:

First, as I have mentioned in my previous posts, I believe BTS started planning the concept of the Love Yourself series in 2016 based on a number of observations.

This coincides with Yoongi’s timeline as Yoongi started his journey towards self love and acceptance on 27 December 2015, right at the end of 2015 and at the start of 2016.

However, as we will see, the Yoongi that we will meet in Outro: Her hasn’t taken off his mask yet. In other words, the Yoongi in Outro: Her is pre 27 December 2015 Yoongi.

Second, something that was deeply noticeable to me and broke my heart when I was studying the Agust D mixtape is that Yoongi’s lyrics are completely devoid of love.

This is particularly jarring for me given I have been writing about Joon’s songs which are literally overflowing and oozing with love, passion and intimacy.

Instead, Yoongi’s lyrics are filled with despair, grit, anger, hate and dark energy. This indicates to me that Love is (was?) not a big part of Yoongi’s life… hate is.

I guess what I’m trying to say is:

For someone who has little to no love in his life, but a lot of loneliness, pain, hate, despair and anger… he sure has a lot of love to give to the boys, and to us.

Third, I want to address my comment about the BTS members not knowing Yoongi well before 27 December 2015. As a new ARMY, I can’t quite comment on how Yoongi used to interacted with the rest of the members. However, all of the clips that I have been watching (e.g. SOPE, the holding hand saga with Tae on Bon Vonyage, Yoongi saying I love you to JK, Tae and Jimin, etc) occurred after 2015 and show the very soft side of Yoongi.

Whatever it may be, I am just glad that Yoongi was able to take that first step that day in Kobe, and start his journey to self-love.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my thoughts and I hope you are all enjoying my blog! Please subscribe to my blog below, share it with your friends, and/or connect with me on Twitter! Your support is much appreciated! 🙂

x G

Lyric sources: Genius lyrics.

Disclaimer:

As per my first author’s note, please, no hate!

I do not have a shipping or individual bias, I love all seven members equally and I do not write my blogs because of a particular personal desire for one of them. I genuinely enjoy all ships because I enjoy watching the different chemistries between the boys.

It does not matter one bit to me if they are straight, gay, intersex, a skrull, a mutant or if they could lay eggs. I love them wholeheartedly (as a sister who would love her younger brothers) for their individual selves.

This analysis of The Last is based on my interpretations of its lyrics. Please enjoy.